Disclaimer: The internet is on the fritz so I've been writing down our memories offline. Hopefully today I'll be able to schedule all the pics and stories to go up finally! Also, he moves around a lot and our camera is uh "budget style" so sorry everything is blurry.
I thought yesterday was the best day ever but I guess I was wrong because this morning my heart broke it was so full of joy. Elian is kind of a violent sleeper in that he thrashes… a lot. Some might consider this a sort of karmic payback for my own bad sleep habits but luckily I don’t really believe in karma. Convenient, huh?
Anyways, the first night we didn’t yet have a crib so I slept with him on a mattress on the floor. This wasn’t the original plan but when he woke up in the middle of the night wimpering there was aboslutely no way I was going to leave him alone and scared in the dark after his first day with scary new people.
So I laid down next to him and had a freezing and uncomfortable night. At some point I remembered how Marjie told me “You won’t believe what you’ll be able to do for your child.” I think this came to mind when he somehow shoved my head off the bed.
Before Elian I had glimpses of what it might mean to be a Mom. Like when Dora grabs my ear to sooth herself or Bison announced that he was going home with “Tia Emily” but now I know that the people closest to your heart will never compare to the love you feel for your children. And I know this because after my night of frigid beating by my unconscious child I awoke to a little guy snuggling his head into my neck and cooing the sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard. And as he sighed, opened his eyes and smiled at me shyly before burying his face in my arm I felt that in my life there could never be anything that could compare to this morning, to this little boy or the feeling that we belong together.