How are you feeling?

A lot of people lately have been asking us how we are feeling and the answer is A) Joyful B) Excited C) Anxious D) Overwhelmed and mostly E) All of the above.  Even though we have had months to prepare for the coming moment something about having the exact date set and plane tickets purchased has made it all feel intensely real in a way I wasn't prepared for previously.  Plus there is a lot going on: Last minute adoption paperwork, finishing up work projects, toddler-proofing the house and of course... LIVING IT UP during our last weeks as childless adults. But most of all, on top of all of these things I'm thinking about Elian.  And I'm excited but I'm putting a lid on my excitement because although December 22 will be a wonderful day of beginnings for us as a family it will be a day of separation and mourning for Elian and his Foster Mother.  Our sweet little boy has been cared for by her for most of his life and I think of her constantly.  I imagine her tucking him in at night and feeding him breakfast and I feel so grateful. He is healthy and well-adjusted because of her care and concern. To do what she has been doing is an amazing sacrificial sort of love.  The one saving grace of this long wait has been knowing that he is safe in a family and not in an orphanage like many children in his situation.

Adoption is beautiful but it's a process that oftentimes requires many goodbyes.  It requires a separation with your birth parents and with your foster family.  It requires many people to be strong enough to what is in a child's best interest.  And I'm so, so thankful for each person whose love was strong enough to bring him into our lives.  I think of Elian's foster mother and I can't imagine how big her heart must be.  To love a child that you know you will have to let go requires a strength that is unimaginable to me.  So I've been thinking of her and praying for her and silently thanking her for everything she's done to bring our little boy this far.  And I know that even as we are giddy with excitement to meet Elian she is steeling herself to say goodbye.  So I'm happy, I'm so excited that I can't even handle it but I'm also grateful and thinking and praying for a woman whose love is making our family possible.  And if you are the praying type would you think of her too?  Would you ask God to bless and comfort her?

Lately lots of people have been so generous in offering help and asking what we need but in these days of unimaginable joy and generosity, prayers for her are what I need the most.

Posted on December 9, 2009 and filed under Adoption, Livin la Vida Loca.