Attachment

Get ready, cause I have a feeling that everybody in my life is going to start hearing a lot about attachment.  Fun!  Attachment is the bond that parents have with their children, it is composed of certain behaviors that come normally to children who have been raised with their birth parents in loving environments.  It does not always come to children who have been abused or suffered great traumas like, uh, I don't know... being separated from their families/caretakers and taken to a foreign country with strangers.  

Thankfully there are a lot of books and resources to learn how you can teach your child to attach.  That's the good news, but honestly I've been freaking out and about all of it.  It's going to be really hard work.  Our child might reject us for months or years before they are able to truly accept that we won't leave them.  And then I think of our child out there somewhere in the world.  When we come to get our little triceratops he/she is going to suffer a huge trauma in being handed over to us.  Imagine you are just so small and defenseless.  You've already been separated from the person you lived inside of for 9 months and now you are once again being handed over to strangers.  Then these people will take you to another country.  How do you know if you can trust that you are going to stay with those people?  That you are truly safe and secure?  That it's not your fault that you keep losing people?  Very young infants can recognize their names so you bet even a six month old child will be traumatized by adoption.

Last week one of the contestants on SYTYCD talked about how he grew up in an orphanage because his Grandmother couldn't afford to raise him herself after his parents died.  I had 10 guests in my house and I could barely hold it together.  I forsee many an uncomfortable outburst in my future...

And then today at work I realized something;  I stopped crying about our other problems long ago. I honestly hardly think about them now because I am way more focused on the adoption.  Months ago Arnold and I were breaking the news to our closest friends and family and it was really hard.  But things have changed so much for us now,  we've started worrying about our child and almost totally forgot about the other things.  And then it dawned on me, without even realizing it we've already started to put our child's needs before ours.  

It's a start at least.

Posted on June 5, 2009 and filed under Adoption.