Lovin beef jerky to death

Last week one of my friends had a pretty serious problem. Her father who lives somewhere in rural Chihuahua, Mexico was in a coma. I got into the mix because my friend doesn' t speak spanish and most people in rural Chiuahua, Mexico don't speak English. So Arnold and I are calling back and forth trying to extract information from the hospital staff. Normally this isn't so difficult, except that the line was very scratchy, oh and the staffer I was talking to was... how can I say this (nicely), uhm, I can't. She was one of those chismosa/judgy types. Sample convo

Me: "Hi can you give me some info about (patients name here) condition? I am a friend of Renee's.

Judgy Nurse: I can't tell you whether he'll live or die today or next year. Tell her she has to come, he is all alone! (this part is somewhat accusing, and not true, he lives with his mother).

Me: I know, I understand your concern, but I really need to give her some information about what is really going on.

Judgy Nurse: He's very sick, she should come. (mounting emphasis on Nurses's part)

Me: I understand that, but can you explain his prognosis to me.

Judgy Nurse: No I CAN'T! Besides he's already at home.

Me: Then I guess he's not in a coma anymore.

And so it when on.... for another 10 minutes until I hung up, I wasn't getting anywhere and she was pissing me off.

When I related my experience to Arnold he just laughed. "Yeah, Latinos, we're like that"

Which of course, I know, but I never, ever learn.

After that I didn't really hear what happened until Renée called me today and said... "So, I think I am going to start a new website, it's going to be called Mexicansarecrazy.com. Apparently the reason that my Dad is in a coma is that he ate 4 times as much beef jerky as is allowed for his health condition. That is the equivalent of finding a diabetic unconscious in the bathroom after eating 5 pies or something. My Dad is going to eat himself to death! Can you imagine the eulogy? "My father was a good man, he loved beef jerky. He loved it more than life itself! No, literally!"

Well, okay then, I know comas aren't funny, but it was hard to contain myself during this whole conversation, because even though comas aren't funny, beef jerky is always funny!

I guess next time my GAD tells me he has to get off the phone to attend to his very busy "peanut eating" schedule, instead of rolling my eyes I'll just be thankful that I don't have to worry about beef jerky induced comas. Actually my GAD says that he is losing weight and working out for his grandchildren. No word on where those "grandchildren" are going to come from.

Posted on November 29, 2007 and filed under Nothing to Do with Anything.