Not Ready for Anything let alone Everything

One year ago today I was sitting at my desk getting ready for a day of work.  When the phone rang I groaned inwardly.  Who starts making business calls before one can even check their e-mail?  I picked up my phone and the person on the other end said "Hi Emily. This is Janet.  Are you ready to become a mother?" And then my heart temporarily stopped.

Everything started moving really slow and incredibly fast at the same time.

"Uh, I'll call you right back." I stuttered.

I slammed the phone down, keeled over at my desk and did my best not to hyperventilate.

I was not ready, our application had only been approved one week earlier.

I was not ready for an early morning phone call at work let alone a life-changing revelation.

I was not ready to open an e-mail attachment and see the very first picture of the little boy who would become the dictator of my existence love of my life.

I was not ready for any of it and I was alone.  Arnold had already started his school day and there would be no way to contact him until 3:00 pm.

I asked myself "Is it wrong to tell your co-workers before you tell your husband?"

Probably.

The day was pure torture. Needless to say I didn't do anything at work.  Not unless you count taking bi-hourly breaks to go outside, lay down on a bench and watch the sky expand to limitless possibility.  To lay there and try to understand that your life as you knew it had changed forever.

And you never saw it coming.

A year ago I was not ready for anything and today 365 days later I am living everything.

Posted on September 16, 2010 and filed under Adoption, Livin la Vida Loca.