Okay, remember how I was waxing philosophical about parenting being full of HIGH HIGHS and LOW LOWS. Well let me elaborate further on that statement. Specifically the LOW LOWS part. I've been a mother for about oh 2 months now and I have to confess that I'm learning real slow-like and for me sometimes the lows are bleakly overwhelming. Elian is in the stage where he is learning how to talk to express his needs instead of crying like babies do... you know the stage where they are able to kind of control their screaming but not all the time. So sometimes everything goes real smooth and sometimes he just throws himself down on the floor and screams and screams and screams some more. I'm sure the whole "getting new parents and moving to a new country" situation isn't any help either.
I'll emphasize that in general he is a very good little boy but I am a new Mom and the screaming, well it gets to me. And I get frustrated and then sometimes it's just not so good. And then we're both yelling and it's terrible... and anyways, sometimes it all builds up and you have to leave the house to get away and visit your friends and sob hysterically about how you have no patience and you are so frustrated and you are pretty sure you'll never be a good Mom. You will wail hysterically that you've already messed up your little dinosaur for life and cry and cry and cry some more. And then your friends will comfort you and they won't object at all when you ask them to give you a beer and a silly straw to drink it with.. and.... well this whole scenario is only hypothetical right? I wish.
And because your friends are the best somehow fresh tortillas and girl scout cookies will magically appear. Then they will assure you that you are free to cry whenever you want and are incredibly understanding of your temporarily ruining the nice get-together with your small mental breakdown.
Then to top it all off they will dose you good with re-runs of So You Think You Can Dance and you will return home calmer, happier and assured that your child has not already been ruined by your lack of parenting skill. When you get home you will thank your husband for watching the baby while you ate girl scout cookies and cried and thank you mother-in-law for letting the baby sleep in her room for the night.
The next morning you will wake up and realize that things have to change. That you cannot teach your child not to yell by yelling at him. You will awake with a clear head and a semblance of common sense. You will remember that last year you traveled for two weeks in Panama with your adored and much-admired older cousin and her two small children. You will marvel at the fact that you do not remember her yelling at them even once. Not ONE time! And you thank God for the small hope that maybe somehow you share the same genes and will be able to become a more patient person. And then since you are talking to God anyways you remember about Ash Wednesday and that you haven't really decided what to do for Lent yet. And then all of those events: the silly straw, the girl scout cookies, the trip to Panama, the Ash Wednesday miracle, and lent itself lead you to one inevitable conclusion. It's the time to ask God to change you in ways that seem impossible. It's the time to believe in miracles, grow closer to God and become a better person. Lent is the time to renew your life and live the gospel. It's the time to remember that you believe in love beyond anyone's understanding and that everyday is a new beginning.
So here we go:
40 days of staying calm and not yelling.
I might fail some but I hope at the end to be a better Mom. I will need God and I will need you. Be my cheerleaders blog friends!