Yesterday Arnold was hit by a car as he rode his bike to work. It was, as one would assume, extremely scary. There were ambulances, stretchers, gawkers, police reports and long waits at the emergency room and a few moments where I almost went postal on an innocent Honda employee. The good news is that Arnold made it out with only a broken elbow and a broken tailbone. The bad news is that Arnold has two broken bones, which cannot be set because of their locations, so Arnold gets to "move through the pain" as they heal. And because sometimes life just becomes difficult for no apaprent reason, our car had crapped out the night before, so I didn't even have a car to assist us with this emergency. Thank God Hernando happened to be in town and had offered to drive me to work. He became my own personal priest/chauffeur as we drove to the emergency room and to Davis to get our car retrieved/towed/fixed. The good news is that the car is fixed and was under warranty. The bad news is that it was a complete pain-in-the-ass which forced me to leave Arnold alone in the hospital for 3 hours.
The other good news is that our little trip to the emergency room proved very fruitful in terms of blog-fodder. We played some fun, distract-Arnold-from-the-horrifying-pain games, such as "Guess which doctors are shagging each other Grey's Anatomy style" and also were extremely entertained by a very funny indigent man who was having some loud "bantering" with the staff a few beds down, for the purpose of the blog we'll call him "General MacArthur".
Nurse: Sir, we need to put a gown on you. The General No! I don't want to take off my pants! Doctor: I'm sorry, but that's what we do in the hospital, we take off our pants. The General - NO! I need a knife (Turns to nurse) Hi Sweetie! Nurse - My name is not Sweetie The General: Hughrchhh (I assume this was a sound that was supposed to be a sexy-type growl, it wasn't so effective on "Sweetie Nurse"
Doctor - OKay, let's put on some scrubs The General - I don't want to take off my pants! Doctor -If you start hitting, I'm going to have to restrain you on the bed. The General - My name is General MacArthur, I'm from WWII! (See the significance of the name!) Doctor - Great! Remember what General MacArthur said "I shall return" The General: Arrrrgh (it's hard to describe the sound he made) Doctor - That's right! And return you shall... to your gurney, sit down.
I assume at this point they "restrained" The General to his bed.
The General - Let me out! Doctor - Nope, you need your seat belts for your protection. The General - Do you have a knife? I need to get out! Doctor - Nope, you need the seatbelt, the gurneys don't have air bags yet, it's for your own protection. The General- I had 10 bottles of champaign today (it was about 1:oo p.m when he said this) Doctor - That explains a lot.
I know it's not very nice to be amused by indigent drunks, but seriously when you are in the emergency room you go a little dark and twisty.